received! No need to forward any more!
Be a good friend. Think before you forward a message.
Don't contribute to a society governed by fear; unimaginative
media are doing a pretty good job on that.
Don't be an accomplice to those whose sole objective it is to
play upon people's fears, guilt or greed.
If you really dread something bad just might happen if you don't
forward a particular e-mail then why would you forward it to a
friend and burden them with the problem?
Please be considerate, realistic and respectful to your friends
when forwarding messages. There will always be threats and
dangers; we'll just have to live with them - and enjoy ourselves.
Be careful, not fearful! Have a great day.
--------------------
>(Author unknown):
I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over
the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance
of recovery.
>I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper
towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without
worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
>I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only
imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
>I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving
because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking
one's nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number
one spot).
>Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only
imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the
years.
>I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the
floor of a public bathroom.
>I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about
poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet
sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
>ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the
same reason.
>I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl
(Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the
1,387,258th time.
>I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending
me for participating in their special e-mail program.
>I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every
wish.
>I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell
like a water buffalo on a hot day.
>THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if
I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within
five minutes.
>BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it
can remove toilet stains.
>I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to
watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when
I'm pumping gas.
>I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make
these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on
their cans.
>I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes
cancer.
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...
disfiguring me for life.
>I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could
be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
>I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me
with a perfume sample and rob me.
>I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are
actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
>I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't
support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
>I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial
a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
have their recipe.
>THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me
instant death when it bites my butt.
>I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain
gas companies!
>I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by
the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.
>If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the
next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your
head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels
will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know
this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my
next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beautician...
Oh, by the way.....
>A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has
discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read
their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
>Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
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